Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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