Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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