these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize