You're my little dorito
Soap is not a condiment
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
