what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
