I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
