At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
