at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
