I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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