Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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