There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
