South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
