She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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