I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
