Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
