Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
