and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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