my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
