is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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