if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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