I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize