Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
