Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
