Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
