Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
