he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
