TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
