he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
