Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
