So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
