How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
