She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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