Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
