Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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