yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
