Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
