YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
