Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize