im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
