Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
