I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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