I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
