in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I think i got beer on your cat.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
