So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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