she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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