I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
two words: eviction party
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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