I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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