the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Someone signed my nipple.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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