We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
