the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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