i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
