I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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