He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
