If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
