my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize