what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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