dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Let's paint friendship bongs
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
