i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
