you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
