She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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