thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
