People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
