Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
