Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize