hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
